Poetry
by Rapunzel4
Summary: Heero's having trouble finding the right words.


Disclaimer: I don't own them ::sad sigh of resignation:: Warnings: Shounen ai (1+2), maybe lime, if you're overly sensitive to that kind of stuff 

Author's Ramblings: I hate my muse. She popped up about three months ago with the first idea for this fic. Then, when I'd gotten the materials together, she vanished on me. She finally hit me again at five minutes to midnight and demanded that I start writing. I blame it all on her. 

**Poetry**  
By Rapunzel 

Heero awoke from a light doze to the sound of rustling sheets and movement next to him. He let out a growl of annoyance at the bed's other occupant, then tried to submerse himself in sleep again. He was almost successful when… 

*rustle rustle* 

"Duo," he grumbled, "would you settle down? That's got to be the fifth time you've rolled over in as many minutes." 

Silence next to him, then, "Sorry. Can't sleep." 

"Why not?" 

"Thinking." 

Heero didn't ask about what, and Duo didn't expect him to. Both knew that if Duo wanted Heero to know what he'd been thinking about, he'd tell him. Duo didn't speak his mind often, but when he did, he didn't wait to hear whether or not his audience wanted to hear it. 

"Heero?" 

"Aa?" 

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" 

"About a million times." 

"A million and one then. I love you." 

"Aa," was all Heero could say to that. 

Duo stared at him for a moment, then sighed and turned away. 

"Duo, you're doing it again," Heero complained. 

"Doing what?" 

"Tossing and turning." 

"Well, you started me thinking again." Duo rolled over again so that he was once again face to face with Heero. The latter waited patiently to hear what was bothering his partner. Finally, Duo spoke. 

"Hey Heero, we've been sharing a bed for how many months now? Three? Four? Anyway, in all that time, how many people have actually figured out that we're a couple?" 

"Just Quatre," Heero answered. 

"Right. And Quatre has a knack for knowing what other people are feeling without being told. But no one else has figured it out because we don't really act like a couple. I don't hug or kiss you in public. I don't ask you to hold my hand or any of that mushy stuff. And that's okay. I know you're not really comfortable with displays of emotion, and that's okay. I knew that was an issue when I hooked up with you. 

"So maybe you'll think I'm silly to complain over one small point. Maybe I'm insecure, or maybe I'm just being selfish, plain and simple. But it bothers me that I have yet to hear you say you love me. Hell, you hardly even react when I say it to you." 

Suddenly, Heero felt a wave of panic wash through him. He opened his mouth. "Duo, I…" was all that came out. Love. Ai. He'd never known that one word could be so intimidating. 

Duo heaved another sigh. There was a note of resignation and even despair in it. 

"Look, Heero, forget I said anything, 'kay? I know you're not used to commitment to anything besides your missions. I know you're a realist and not a sentimentalist. Hell, one of the reasons I love you is 'cause you're so level headed and practical." 

/And disillusioned,/ Heero added mentally, and a little bitterly. 

"Just... never mind." Duo had turned over yet again, his back to Heero. 

Heero took a deep breath as the panic began to subside. It was replaced, however, by confusion and a small measure of guilt. 

"Duo?" he began. 

"Hm?" Duo turned to look at him. 

Heero reached out, grabbed the braided boy, and pulled him in closer. After fitting Duo carefully against his side, he asked, "Does this help?" 

"Yeah." Duo closed his eyes and smiled against his neck. Pretty soon, his breathing evened out, indicating that he had finally drifted off. 

/And so our roles are reversed,/ Heero thought, as he lay awake long into the night. 

* * *

Due to his inability to sleep the previous night, Heero woke late in the morning. Duo finally shook him awake, warning him, "You'd better get up now, Heero, or you won't have time to shower before breakfast." 

By the time Heero had finished his quick and rather cold shower (he'd hopped that the cold water would help to wake him up), Duo had already left the room. Heero hastened to follow him down to breakfast. 

The mess hall was mostly empty by the time he arrived, and Heero was able to get a table almost to himself. Duo sat next to him, chattering cheerfully when he wasn't filling his mouth with food. Despite the fact that no one else was sitting near them, Duo confined his talking to ordinary subjects like which teacher was mean for assigning too much homework, which guys were going out with which girls, what lunch was going to be, and so on. There was no mention of the previous night's conversation. Maybe Duo was doing what he had advised Heero to do and trying to forget the whole thing. 

The problem was that Heero couldn't forget it. Duo had unknowingly brought up a point that Heero's subconscious had been berating him for for quite a while now. He felt very strongly towards Duo, but... 

Part of his mind screamed at him, asking him what he was afraid of. After all, Duo had already declared his feelings; rejection wasn't an issue. But still... 

"Hey Heero." Duo caught his attention. "You'd better hurry up and eat that, or you'll be late to class." 

Heero stared down at his oatmeal. He had only taken a few bites, but he felt no desire to finish it. He had been eating less of late, since the school's food could hardly be described as appetizing. Heero felt that bread and water might be more suitable anyway, not to mention more tasty. The school, with its walls and fences and strict schedules reminded him all too often of a prison. 

Duo knew what the silence meant. "Well, if you're finished, we should get to class." He stood up and stretched, unconsciously flexing his muscles a little. 

The words /He's gorgeous,/ popped into Heero's mind suddenly. 

/Well, then tell him so!/ another part screamed. 

Heero opened his mouth, but no sound came out. 

"Well, c'mon, Heero, what are ya waiting for?" Duo asked. 

Heero shut his mouth and stood up. "Hn," he said. 

* * *

Heero tried in vain to concentrate on the teacher's words. The desk top was starting to look awfully comfortable... Sternly, he reminded himself that he had an image to maintain. Duo could afford to put his head on the desk and sleep in class, but Heero had a reputation of always being focused. 

Finally, the teacher stopped talking and told them the pages to read in their literature books. Heero quickly read through the story written during the Harlem Renaissance, and decided that he'd liked the unit on naturalism better. Heero often felt out of place in the class, which focused mostly on English and American literature, and the writings of the naturalists, with their gloomy pessimism, had been the only things to date that he'd liked. 

Looking around the class, Heero observed that he was the first one finished, which was not an unusual occurrence. However, he still couldn't put his head down and sleep, so he contented himself with staring off into space, and contemplating what Duo had said to him. 

The more he thought of it, the more he wondered what his problem was. It wouldn't take much to make Duo happy. Just three small words from his mouth would do the job. Still, he couldn't bring himself to actually say them. What if they came out wrong? 

/Baka!/ the more liberal portion of his brain snarled. /How could you possibly say them wrong?/ 

/I don't know. I just would. I'm not meant to say sentimental things./ 

Picking up the literature book, Heero began to idly flip through its pages. It was a nervous habit, and he seldom allowed himself to indulge in it. Now, however, he was too busy contemplating his aversion to sentimentality to notice. 

/I know what part of my problem is. I can never find words to say what I want to. The normal words people say to their loved ones won't do. Even little things like comments on Duo's beauty or intelligence won't do. That's not what he's asking for. He wants some sort of commitment. I always feel like if I say romantic things, I'll be making promises I might not be able to keep./ 

/How can I make brutal honesty romantic?/ 

Belatedly, Heero realized that the teacher was looking at him. He had a nasty suspicion that if she knew he was finished, she would simply assign him busy work to keep him occupied. Hastily, he stopped flipping pages and began to scan them in an effort to appear to be doing something. The teacher, apparently satisfied, went off to play vulture with the other students. 

Heero spent the rest of the class flipping through the book and pondering his dilemma. 

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Duo got back to the dorm room he shared with Heero. He had been serving a detention assigned to him by his chemistry teacher, who had been upset with him over an incident involving chemicals, and the mixing and exploding thereof. Duo was not at all remorseful; he thought the chemistry labs assigned were terribly boring. He already knew what was going to happen in most of them, so he had decided to liven things up a little. Duo had ensured that the explosion had been a small one, but it had set off all the school fire alarms, and the chemistry teacher had given him detention for a week. When he'd complained to Heero about it, his partner had told him the it was lucky he hadn't been expelled, and to stop complaining. 

Speaking of his partner, where was Heero? Duo scanned the room, but didn't see him. That was odd. Usually Heero went straight back to the room after school and started on his homework. 

/Maybe he finally decided to go out and get a social life. Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen. More likely, he just got a mission and isn't back yet./ 

Duo walked over to the desk and flopped down in a chair. Then he sat up. On the part of the desk where he usually did his homework, there was a piece of paper. The handwriting on it was far too neat to be his. Curious, he picked up the paper and read. 

Love is not all: it is not meat or drink  
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain;  
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink   
And rise and sink and rise and sink again;  
Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath,  
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;  
Yet many a man is making friends with death   
Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.  
It well may be that in a difficult hour,  
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,  
Or nagged by want past resolution's power,  
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,  
Or trade the memory of this night for food.  
It well may be. I do not think I would.  
–Edna St. Vincent Millay 

For a moment, Duo wondered who in the world Edna St. Vincent Millay was, and why she would bother leaving him this. Then he realized that the poem was from the literature book for his English class, and the Edna St. Vincent Millay was a poet, probably long dead. As for who had written it out and left it for him, Duo was pretty sure that Heero was responsible. He couldn't recognize the handwriting, but then he'd never really seen Heero's writing since he did all his work on the computer. 

/It certainly looks neat enough to be Heero's writing./ 

"Perfectionist," Duo murmured affectionately, and settled down to wait for his lover's return. 

* * *

Dusk was settling over the campus when Heero looked up at the window of his dorm room. There was a light on, indicating that Duo was in there. Heero decided that maybe it was time he went back inside and faced whatever was to come. Being unsure how his gesture would be received, Heero had deliberately left to go on a walk before Duo got back. Now he thought it time to return. 

Duo looked up when he heard the door open, and beamed at Heero as he entered. "You're back! I thought maybe you'd been sent on a mission." 

Heero shook his head. 

"So, just been out there wandering around counterproductively?" 

Heero, though he recognized the fact that he was being teased, answered by simply nodding his head. 

"Oh. I see. Care to explain this little bit of literature?" 

Heero shrugged. "You said last night what you wanted from me. But I… I can't handle word like other people. My own never seem to work right. So I decided to use someone else's words to say what I mean." 

"I see. Why this poem?" 

"I spotted it in the literature book during class today. I like it. It's sentimental, but honest." 

"It is that." Duo reread the last sentence, then smiled. "Hey, Heero." 

"Hn?" 

Duo walked up and put his arms around Heero's neck. "I love you too." 

Heero returned the embrace, but said nothing. 

"So," Duo continued. "Are you 'Pinned down...and moaning for release'?" 

"Trust you to put that spin on those words," Heero muttered. 

"But of course!" Duo grinned at him. "My mind is always in the gutter; you know that." 

"I think it's reached the sewer by now." 

"Oh, c'mon. Don't tell me you're not thinking about it to," Duo purred in his ear. 

"Duo, don't forget to lock the do... mph!" 

Fortunately, Duo had remembered to lock the door. 

~Fin 


End file.
